


Culture Clash

by angelsaves



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Cultural Differences, M/M, Porn Watching, Sex Tapes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:42:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6268165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Stargate might give you the words, but it doesn't give you the cultural context. John and Ronon learn this the hard way (penisly speaking).</p>
<p>thanks to hannah/rhubarbpie for betaing!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Culture Clash

"You want to -- wait, _what?_ " John pulls a corner of the sheet over himself protectively.

Ronon looks confused. "That's not what you call it? The vids of people fucking each other?"

"No, you're right, we call that porn, but you said you wanted to watch _our_ porn," John says. "I wasn't aware we had any, you know, _together_."

"...you weren't?" Ronon draws his formidable eyebrows together. "What did you think I was doing with the _relka_?"

John blinks. "The... is that the little square thing you put on my desk? I assumed it was some sort of --" He flaps his hand in the air, hoping it's an eloquent gesture and not just, well, flapping. "Ritual thing? I don't know!"

"It is a ritual thing," Ronon says slowly. "The ritual where, when you want to remember having sex with someone, you record it."

"But you've done that every time!" John says helplessly. "And -- wait, you _record it?_ "

"Earth people do the same thing, I thought. McKay taught me how to access the vids on --"

"I don't want to know about you watching porn with Rodney!"

"I didn't watch it _with him_ ," Ronon says, and he sounds so honestly shocked that John half expects him to clutch at a string of nonexistent pearls around his throat. "You think I'm sleeping with McKay?"

"I -- what? No!" John has the sudden, desperate urge to hide under the covers until things are normal again, but then again, he's not sure he'd recognize normal if it crawled into bed with him. "On Earth, that's -- sometimes men watch porn together, you know, just as buddies."

Ronon's brow crinkles. "That seems kind of... intimate," he says after a moment. "How do you decide whose to watch, anyway, if it's not both of yours?"

"Well, you know, sometimes you have... common interests," John says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Like how Rodney's into blondes, and Zelenka prefers brunettes -- you can find porn that has a blonde and a brunette together, maybe." Oh, great, now he's thinking about Rodney and Zelenka watching porn together. That's not where he meant to take this conversation at all.

"Wait," Ronon says. "So it's not -- it's just _any_ blonde?" His voice squeaks a little, like it does when he's really upset. "He doesn't even _know_ them?"

"Know them?" John repeats. 

"On Sateda," Ronon says, in that way he has where he means 'where people behave correctly,' but is trying out that tact thing Teyla's so fond of, "sex is a private thing that you share with people you love."

"Sure, of course!" John says quickly. "On Earth, too. Uh, wait. Love?"

"Yeah," Ronon says. "Like team."

"Oh, right." He's definitely relieved to hear that, and that is the only feeling he's... feeling, goddammit. "Like team."

"So it'd be one thing if McKay was watching _your_ porn," Ronon goes on. "That's team. But watching somebody else's?" He shakes his head. "That's kind of weird."

John stares at him for a moment, and then it clicks. "So -- when you say 'porn,'" he says slowly, "you actually mean 'sex tapes.'"

"Sex tapes," Ronon says. "Recorded sex. Porn. Right?"

"I..." John pinches the bridge of his nose. "I think we need to talk to an anthropologist."

***

"It's really fascinating," Dr. Corrigan says, leaning forward to examine Ronon's _relka_ without touching it. "We never posited a culture where --"

"Never posited a lot of things," Ronon points out.

"That's true," Corrigan says cheerfully. "I'd be the first to tell you that anthropology isn't an exact science. Anyway, this seems to be a classic case of two cultures separated by a common language."

"But --" John starts to say.

"Ah, but you do, thanks to the stargate," Corrigan says. "It gives you the words, but not the cultural context."

"Right," Ronon says. "Like the time Teyla sat on her radio, and McKay got all red and said not to call it a booty call."

"Exactly! So, Ronon, while the words 'porn' and 'sex tape' are both technically accurate translations of your Satedan word, they each have a very different, and culturally loaded, context for Colonel Sheppard."

Ronon looks serious. "Okay," he says. "So how do I explain it right?"

Corrigan considers this, while John tries not to feel like a particularly slow student. "I think it would help if you used a less loaded phrase," he says finally. "Would it be accurate to call them _relka_ -recordings?"

"Awkward, but accurate," Ronon says. "I can do that."

"Now, why don't you explain _relka_ -recordings to John like you woudl to -- do the Athosians have a similar concept?"

"No," Ronon says, "but Teyla's heard of it. She's been _everywhere_."

"Okay," Corrigan says, "so explain it how you would to an Athosian who hasn't heard of it."

"All right." Ronon takes a deep breath and lets it out. "On Sateda, when you have sex with someone and want to remember it, you make a -- _relka_ -recording, with a _relka_. That way, you can save it, and you can watch it again. Sometimes you watch it alone, if you're -- if you miss the person -- but usually you watch it together. And it's hot and romantic." He scowls. "Now you have to explain porn to me."

"It's -- you watch it for -- oh, jeez," John says. "Corrigan, a little help here?"

Corrigan smirks. "I'm Canadian, and a civilian," he points out. "Our cultures are pretty different."

Is the anthropology department technically under the science heading? John reminds himself to check with Rodney and get him to give Corrigan whatever the geek version of inventory is. Probably it's inventory for them, too. Whatever. "Fine," John says, very casually. "Porn is for, uh -- for titillation, and also bonding, sometimes. It's performed by actors."

"Weird," Ronon says. "And sex tapes?"

"That's when people record themselves having sex. Sometimes it's like a _relka_ -recording, but a lot of the time..." John rubs the back of his neck. "A lot of the time, only one of the people in it is aware they're being recorded, and they use it against the other person."

Ronon sucks in a breath. "That's disgusting," he says. 

"Yeah," John says. 

"I would never do that," Ronon says. "I thought you knew."

"I know you wouldn't, buddy," John tells him, and he really does know that. He meets Ronon's eyes.

"Well," Corrigan says brightly, "I think my work here is done!"

"Thanks, doc," John says, not moving his gaze from Ronon's.

***

Back in their quarters, John says, "You said _relka_ -recordings were for sex you wanted to remember."

"Yeah," Ronon says. "They are."

"But you've made one every time we've had sex."

"Yeah." Ronon draws out the word into at least three syllables. "I've wanted to remember every time."

"How did you know you would?" John asks.

"Because it's you," Ronon says, like it's obvious. 

"First times are always awkward, though," John says. "You don't really know what the other person wants, and it's --"

Ronon puts his hand on John's wrist. "Watch it with me."

"...okay," John says. He's sure it's going to be weird and awkward, but if Ronon is going to touch him like that, and look at him like that, he'll do a lot of weird and awkward things.

"Cool." Ronon sets the _relka_ on the desk and presses the sides in a complicated way, like a puzzle box. A hologram leaps out of it: Ronon, at a remarkably unflattering angle, saying, "-- a second."

The angle changes, somehow showing the two of them from the side, and now John can see himself sprawled on his bed, leaning back on his elbows. "Come _on_ , Ronon," hologram-John says -- does his voice really sound like that? -- and hologram-Ronon smiles toothily and presses him down into the mattress.

"Wanted to do this for a while," hologram-Ronon says into hologram-John's ear, and kisses down his throat. John -- the real John, spectator-John -- shudders, remembering how good that had felt. It was the first time in far, far too long.

"Wanted you to for _ever_ ," hologram-John says, arching his back.

"Starting to get it?" the real Ronon asks, nudging John with his shoulder.

"Yeah," John says breathlessly. He's getting hard in his BDUs, just from reliving their first time.

"Want to keep watching?"

"Not so much." John starts to climb into Ronon's lap.

"Wait, I --"

"-- want to remember this? Yeah," John says. "Me too." He waits for Ronon to reset the _relka_. This is good, he thinks. It's good.


End file.
